an announcement…:)

In honor of Mother’s Day weekend, today seems like the appropriate day to announce some news that is so precious to me as a mother of 3 fantastic babies…

Our 2nd baby boy’s name will be:

Ezra Neal Carlson. <3

Ezra is Hebrew, meaning ‘helper’ or ‘aid’.

In the Bible, Ezra was a scribe and priest during the Babylonian exile, who served the King Artaxerxes. Several times it is said that “the hand of the Lord his God was upon him“…and “for the good hand of his God was on him. For Ezra had set his heart to study the Law of the LORD, and to do it and teach his statutes and rules in Israel.” Ezra returned to Jerusalem, and he says “I took courage, for the hand of the LORD my God was on me.” He became a leader in Israel, helping to re-establish God’s covenant people in their promised land. His humble prayers and passion for the Lord are inspiring (read about him in the biblical books Ezra and Nehemiah) – he mourns, weeps, fasts and celebrates with a heart committed to God and his purposes.

Our prayer for our son is that the hand of the LORD will be upon him, and that he will be courageous because of God’s presence in His life. We also pray that he will grow into a man who loves God’s word and will be a ‘helper’ in teaching God’s word to people. We pray that his life will reflect the same passion and commitment to God that this ‘original’ Ezra did.

Neal is a Scottish/Irish name, meaning ‘champion’. It is my dad’s name, and like biblical Ezra, my dad lives with a vitality and passion that set him apart from most everyone in the world. This is partly personality and mostly a deep understanding of the grace of God and the gift of life. My dad loves the Lord, embraces and ‘champions’ people (perhaps his greatest strength is encouragement) and lives with profound thankfulness to God for every good gift – life, strength, health, family, etc.

We pray that our son, Ezra Neal, will also be a ‘champion’ – that he will especially champion the orphan, widow, poor…that he will have a special place in his heart for the broken, and that God will empower him to be a ‘helper’.

“{My son…} Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute… Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.” {from Proverbs 31}

Already this baby’s personality seems to be to be strong and champion-like! We are so looking forward to holding him and meeting him face to face. God’s gift to us is so wonderful! Thank you, Lord, for our little Ezra Neal!

…or “Baby Ruh” as big brother Hudson says.

Coming in August 2013!

<3 jc

{here’s a bit about where we got Hudson and…have I written about Kaya’s name?! hmm..}

holding on for spring & miracles

 

 

 

“…Let me say something about the word: miracle. For too long it’s been used to characterize things or events that, though pleasant, are entirely normal. Peeping chicks at Easter time, spring generally, a clear sunrise after an overcast week – a miracle, people say, as if they’ve been educated from greeting cards. I’m sorry, but nope. Such things are worth our notice every day of the week, but to call them miracles evaporates the strength of the word.

Real miracles bother people, like strange sudden pains unknown in medical literature. It’s true: They rebut every rule all we good citizens take comfort in. Lazarus obeying orders and climbing up out of the grace – now there’s a miracle, and you can bet it upset a lot of folks who were standing around at the time. When a person dies, the earth is generally unwilling to cough him back up. A miracle contradicts the will of earth.

My sister, Swede…offered this: People fear miracles because they fear being changed – though ignoring them will change you also. Swede said another thing too, and it rang in me like a bell: No miracle happens without a witness. Someone to declare, Here’s what I saw. Here’s how it went. Make of it what you will…

…as a witness, let me say that a miracle is no cute thing but more like a swing of a sword.“

{from Peace Like A River by Leif Enger}

may your life, friend, be ‘more like a swing of a sword’…

<3 jc

A Place Inside

You know the people who are ‘all-belly’ and simply glowing and adorable during pregnancy? The ones who seem to glide effortlessly and glamorously through the whole experience?

(They are probably also the people who have a labor and delivery experience that is perfect and joyous and miraculously short, their bodies rebound days later. Their children have probably never consumed anything containing sugar or caffeine or watched a TV show or ever uttered an inappropriate word innocently and so indicted their mother. Ahem.)

I might be a smidge jealous. You know, like on a bad day or something.

Pregnancy for me is not an easy or glamorous affair. Though each one has been different so far, the pattern seems to be something like this: when I finally survive between 3 and 7 months of all-out internal organ rebellion, then comes several months of enormity, aches, pains, swelling, cramping and then finally, a couple of months of restlessness and horrible sleep, all culminating in labor and delivery (which, though daunting, is comparatively easy!).

Then, while I have the tremendous joy of a new life in my arms, I also have too much weight left to lose, post partum hormones to battle and a million daily life adjustments to make, while hoping to get in a shower at least before church on Sunday.

It’s not easy, and in many ways I am not particularly fond of these 9 months. I miss having a waist. I miss riding my bike and comfortably wearing heels and drinking caffeine without concern. I wonder if I’ll ever enjoy playing basketball again. Sometimes feel like I have kissed goodbye my youth, or my American vision of what my young and unencumbered years should be.

But.

As difficult as it can be, it is also absolutely a gift.

I realized it one day when my 3-year-old daughter first noticed the stretch marks on my stomach. I explained that they were stretches from when my tummy stretched out for the very first time – to make room for her baby body! And some more for her two brothers! As her eyes were round with amazement considering herself as a baby inside her mommy’s tummy, we were both caught up in the wonder of God’s amazing design and for a very miraculous moment I was not ashamed of the stretch marks. Instead, I was proud to show them to her – and I was happy to have them. Like here is a tiny little monument of my love for you. These streaks on my sides are little pieces of our time together I will always carry with me.

This third pregnancy has been no less trying than the first two. And yet there are some days I feel like I am carrying around this magnificent little secret inside of me. I feel a little bit like a fat peony bud, a couple of sunrises from bursting into a profusion of delicate and beautiful petals. My heart races a little bit as I enjoy perhaps the only time when I have this little baby all to myself. It’s a privilege to bring new life into the world, and to know he is being fearfully and wonderfully made right this moment!

Rather than enduring these months with hostility and frustration toward myself, my body, my Maker – I want to incline my heart to accept all these things and walk through them with grace as an act of worship to the Lord, and a gift to my child. Rather than bemoaning my tiredness and agonizing over how many more months till I will ‘feel myself’ again, I want to rejoice that God has seen fit to use me as nurturing home for my baby boy for these fleeting nine months. I want to give my body grace and understanding, and celebrate rather than agonize over the growth that makes room for my baby.

I know I won’t ever be a perfect mother, but today I can do one loving thing for my son: give him the gift of having a place inside of me – now and forever.

And that gives me so much joy. 

on a few days with grandma

This past weekend I got to enjoy a couple of days of leisurely fun with my Grandma Barb. Who, of course, is my kids’ great grandma! Wow. We went to the petting zoo on one of the first nice days, chatted through lunch time and nap time, had lunch another day at our new apartment, showed her around a favorite coffee shop and bakery, took a walk around campus and grilled out with my parents and brother and other grandma (other great grandma for my kids! Double wow…feeling blessed!).

It was such a special time for me. There is something new and different in viewing my grandma through the lens of my newly-adult eyes. Growing up she was the busy and fun woman who took us to every museum and park in a 2-hour radius of her home town, Grand Island, Nebraska. She helped us set up “beauty salons” and made sure everyone got plenty of ice cream when visiting her and Papa Sam.

Fixing her a simple lunch was a sweet pleasure to me. She’s fixed me and the other 14 grandchildren innumerable meals, all of us gathered round dark wood tables with bright orange placemats. It’s fun, as a mother, to picture her as mother to my dad and his siblings, to realize that she and my grandpa have many things in common with Nels and I – they were a similar distance apart in age and had kids rather quickly after getting married.

When I feel overwhelmingly busy with my 3-year-old, 18-month-old and baby on the way, I remember that Grandma Barb had a baby boy, followed just over a year later by fraternal twins, then a baby girl, then identical twins. It’s nice to know that someone else has experienced the crazy and knows what it’s like to feel like a newly-wed with arms full of babies…

I love hearing stories about her life. It fills in gaps in the random stories I’ve heard over the years and gives me a fuller understanding of my Huston family – who we are, where we’ve come from, what has shaped us. It paints more definition in the portrait of who my grandma is, and how God has worked in her life.

Until the past week, I never knew I had a 6-foot tall French great-great grandmother, named Eva, a fat and hilarious cook who lived in California.

I never knew that my grandma spent a year in California with Eva, and Eva’s husband (Crazy Bill) and sister (Rosie).

I never knew my grandma was friends with some Croix Indians who nicknamed her “princess-stick-em-nose-in-no-business” when she had a scab from an overly-wiped nose during hay-fever season.

I never knew she was a baby in a bread line during the Great Depression.

I never knew my Great-Grandma Hazel played the mandolin!

I knew, but had never heard quite so clearly, and from her own lips, about how tragic and painful it was to lose my dad’s identical twin brother Joe. He lived only a day, and she still talks about him with tears in her eyes, saying “Something died in Papa Sam that day.”

I probably had heard, but didn’t really know that my dad was also less that 4 pounds at birth, that she stayed up with him his whole first year, afraid he would quit breathing. I never knew that he had a seizure when he was 1 – a day she remembers as vividly as the spring in bloom all around us.

I had never heard much about how she has lived so long in Nebraska but still misses the beautiful mountains of her Wyoming hometown. I loved soaking in every detail of what it was like meeting Papa Sam (who had recently been named “Most Eligible Bachelor” in Grand Island), of certain trying aspects of a woman’s role in marriage, of the history of AA and how Jesus rescued her, of how my aunts and uncles came to know Christ, of how God healed her and her brother’s relationship after 13 years of silence and bitterness. I loved hearing her tell about the day I was born.

It has been very precious to me to see her hands, that remind me so much of my dad’s, that have been serving me in many ways as long as I can remember, now holding my Kaya and Hudson, handing them sippy cups, pointing out the buffalo at the zoo.

This godly heritage, this time together is a gift. I am so grateful! I am even more grateful that my grandma has been willing to be so open about her brokenness and need for Jesus that she will humble herself enough to tell her grandchildren and great grandchildren about redemption in Jesus.

<3

some more Huston family memories…

I’ve Never Known A Better Man

Dear Papa

Meditations on the 23rd Psalm

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness, for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life

and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Jesus is my Shepherd – I have no lack of any thing. He is my all in all and provides for every need, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He brings rainy, cold, snowy late April days to keep my busy feet at home – to rest, to be still, to focus and be renewed. I am thankful.

He leads me beside still waters that nourish. If I feel the waters in my life are tempestuous, is it possible I am not being led by the Shepherd, but have turned aside? Am I surrounded by rapids and rushing waters because, as a wandering sheep, I have left his side? He alone provides the water that truly quenches the ravenous thirst of the human soul.

Even when my soul is damaged by the world, my own sin and the devil, my good Shepherd restores. When my soul is weary, troubled, or discouraged, He longs to restore it to perfect peace in Him.

I do not know where the right paths are, but He does. He leads me not for my own sake, but for the sake of His glorious name. I need not fear the direction of my life or worry about what days ahead may bring since I can trust that He will lead me to walk in righteousness, for His name’s sake. This infuses every day with such magnificent purpose!

I may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and some of my worst fears may be realized. Hard days are real, painful difficulties in life are real, and my own inadequacies are real too. And yet – I have no need to fear, because the Shepherd walks with me – through sadness, loneliness, depression, deep sorrow, etc.

Evil is no threat! God is ever-present in my life.

His reproof and correction, His gentle and poignant reminders or truth, His sometimes painful chastisements – these encourage me. For then I know He is mine, and I am his.

You celebrate with me, triumphing over my enemies! I don’t know of any specific people who are my enemies – but I know there are forces in the heavenly realms that would destroy me and sometimes I feel their presence. But Satan and his will for my life will be disappointed as you – despite myself! – help me to experience victory in You.

My cup overflows. I have everything I need. All the life, love, joy and strength – you fill me up.

I believe that my days will be filled with Your tender and rich mercy. I will dwell in the house of the LORD, worshipping Him! Now and forever.

<3 jc

P.S. Kaya and I are working on learning Psalm 23 in ASL. It’s really fun! Here’s the video tutorial.

on books that i’m reading (or want to be reading!)

Let it be known, I am a dreamer.

I have a list of many, many books that I want to read, and I also have a very, very full life!

But it is a deep desire of mine to continue to grow as a person, to grow in faith, and to live a life full of inspiration, creativity and joy. I really believe reading excellent books is a huge part of living this sort of life.

I love reading. I’m hungry for ideas and sharper thinking and beautiful words all strung together. Any book that seems to me to be intriguing, inspiring, challenging, etc…I want to devour it. I love having a good mix of fiction and non-fiction, classics, works from modern authors, Christian living, etc. If I start it and it turns out to be boring?…I abandon it pretty quickly. There’s only so much time for reading in life, and too many wonderful things to read to waste hours, right?!

Here are some things that have made it to my night stand (or will be arriving soon!)…

1. “Don’t Make Me Count to Three” by Ginger Plowman. A friend recommended this excellent, practical book on parenting a child’s heart, and not just their behaviors. I’ve not finished it yet, and may share a review later. So far I’ve been very challenged to grow as a mother in how I train my children and teach them about the condition of their hearts and who Jesus is. I really appreciate that Plowman shares specific examples along with principles for training and discipline.

2. “Out of the Silent Planet” by C.S. Lewis. This is the first book of the series including “Perelandra” and “That Hideous Strength” – called the space trilogy. I’m not usually into sci-fi or fantasy and other things, so this type of book is a stretch for me, but I love C.S. Lewis and was determined to re-read this series that I read many years ago and didn’t really remember. Honestly, getting lost in a good fiction work is so refreshing sometimes. Lewis’ imagination is beautiful and there are bits of timeless truth woven skillfully through the story. And, for a life-on-other-planets story, it feels pretty believable as you’re reading it.

3. “Cold Tangerines” by Shauna Niequest. The subtitle of this book is “Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life”…love! I am passionate about learning how to live well and celebrate even simple moments. This is supposed to be a collection of stories about God and life, and from what I’ve heard, I think the author is really an artist with her life and words. I also look forward to reading her most recent book, “Bread & Wine.“

4. “Peace Like A River” by Leif Enger. A while back I saw a very positive review on this book on a blog I read. John Piper and Andrew Peterson both recommend it, and it was an Amazon.com book of the year. It’s in the mail and I am pumped to get it!

5. “The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Considered one of the greatest American novels. Set in the 1920s. “His writings are insightful and stylistically brilliant; today he is admired both as a social chronicler and a remarkably gifted artist” (from Amazon.com biography). Also in the mail.

6. “Pilgrim’s Progress” by John Bunyan. Who am I kidding? I’m always reading this book. Partly because it takes me forever to get through it, and partly because it is one of those epic works of rich meaning that demands to be read and re-read. It’s on my iPod and I have a hard copy in my backpack. It’s definitely one of my all-time favorites. I am constantly struck by the incredible dangers of Christian’s journey, and how completely worth it it is.

7. “Wordsmithy” by Douglas Wilson. As much as I love reading brilliant writing, I also want to strengthen my own writing skills and become a true wordsmith with good command of language. Here is an interesting review. Hoping to dive into this one sometime soon.

8. “Edges of His Ways” by Amy Carmichael. This is a book of daily reading selections. I have been really blessed by Carmichael’s faith and writings and I hope to go deeper with the Lord while reading this devotional.

What are you reading, or wanting to read? Have you finished anything really wonderful lately? Any further recommendations? Have you read any of these books that I am currently reading/aspiring to read?  

Hope you’re having a great week friends!

<3

jordan cristine

the things that are hard today

Motherhood would be cool if it was all picnics and zoo trips and choosing the cutest, hugest bows for fuzzy heads.

There’s a lot of that and I love it.

Even better, motherhood is kind of like having your own little circle of disciples in your home. I love that and I’m learning how to make the most of it.

But – the part that is really hard for me right now – is how utterly exhausting the every day is.

And I should preface that. This week (and the past several) has been particularly murderous. We moved, my husband has been under a lot of stress with big events and week-long trips for work, I have a jerk of a cold and I’m 5 months pregnant and feeling the tiredness and struggle for good sleep that comes with that. One of our babies is going through a difficult time of nightmares/fears that pop out of nowhere and keep us all awake at 1 am, 3 am, etc. I keep longing for a “normal week” and am starting to feel as if it more and more a myth than anything. So I’m extra tired.

But I think the hardest things about motherhood (for me, right now) are these:

1) Many tasks must be repeated. Every day. Twice a day. More sometimes…for a goal-oriented person like me it’s hard to go through a day without seeing a lot of tangible “progress”…a lot of the things I do everyday don’t carry a sweet feeling of satisfaction and completion at the end. For example? My two toddlers and husband want to eat three times a day, and there’s clean up for that every time. About as soon as things are cleaned up, it’s time to start preparations for the next thing. This is, for whatever reason, kind of emotionally wearing. It’s never *done*…same with laundry, cleaning, bath time! Ha. I have to accept that this is not a problem. It’s the way life is, the way God intends it to be. I know it’s refining me in some of the deep places of my heart. Every time I choose to just do the work as unto the Lord, with love toward my family and not resentment, I think God is glorified. I am trusting that there are results, and I’m trying to look to the unseen, those things which are eternal but not readily apparent here and now.

And you, to-do-list that I have not touched this week? Keep mocking me. I’ll cut you.

2) The hours are long. Every day is a 12 hour day. A lot are longer. Weekends off? Non-existent. Of course there’s no other way that I would have it, and I am so super privileged to be working in my home and with my family so much. But it can feel really hard sometimes. And? It’s really hard to “call it quits” for the night when afore-mentioned to-do-list is still undone. Lately I’ve been going to bed discouraged and broken over what’s still needing to be done or what fun craft or activity I wish I had been able to do with the kids rather than being thankful for what God has helped me to accomplish, and the sweet moments I did had with my babies. As my 3-year old would say, “That kind of hurts my feelings.”

So why do I write all this?

Somehow it helps to give my frustrations a name – to rationalize them and say “these are real, and they’re hard” and to think and pray and fight through them.

Maybe it will encourage you if you struggle with the same things, to know you’re definitely not the only one.

And hopefully, in a few weeks or months or years I can look back and read over this and thank God for growing me up and helping me learn to manage these hard things well.

In the mean time, I’ll be here sweeping under the toddler’s chair after every meal and snack, fighting a losing battle of laundry, breaking up toddler squabbles and praying that God will help me to accomplish exactly what He intends for me to each day – nothing more, nothing less.

Believing that we’re “getting somewhere”! <3

jordan

i forgot how to use my camera…

…but you had better believe i will be working this spring/summer to remember how to use it!

and just to use it.

because, really?

i like you guys.

i like your crazy hair and chubby limbs….

i like your expressive eyes and quizzical looks…

i like remembering what it is to wonder as i re-discover the created world with you.

i like learning about who you are as i watch you explore and play.

you’re getting faster and faster every day. i want to remember how unsteady and adorable you were this afternoon at the park.

i think i’d even like to remember your stinkin’ whiney baby face (but it’s cool if you grow out of this one)…

and i really, really want you to know that i was here. treasuring you. treasuring our every day together.

i love you, babies.

…now where the heck did i put that camera battery charger???…

<3 jc

Goals for Growing Older {Reflections on Life and Turning 24}

I am so thankful and blessed and my heart is feeling full ~

What a richly-colored, brilliant experience life has been.

On Friday I turned 24 and I can’t help but reflect on the marvelous people I’ve known (and know), beautiful places I’ve lived and visited, difficulties I’ve learned from and been shaped by, answered prayers and miracles I’ve seen.

apricot blossoms that survived last night’s storm

What more could a soul want?

But if God should grant me another 24 – or any number of years – I pray that in those ahead…

I would be quicker to listen, slower to speak, and slower to become angry.

I would encourage more than I complain.

I would rediscover my love for playing/writing music. 

I would see my children grow in wisdom and in stature, and in favor with God and men.

I would not shrink back from suffering, but courageously enter into such “light and momentary afflictions.” (2 Corinthians 4:17)

I would pour myself more willingly into loving my husband, my family, the lost. 

I would learn to work, rest, and celebrate well.

I would become a more nurturing, hospitable woman.

I would read good books, hike in beautiful and challenging places, be inspired to create meaningful art.

I would see lives changed and redeemed, as His kingdom comes and His will is done on the earth.

I would be come a woman dedicated to prayer.

I would count all things as loss, for the sake of knowing Jesus. 

I would “know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” (Philippians 3:10-11)

Sometimes I fear what could lie ahead in life. There are so many dangers and sorrows and trials that people go through. Why should I be exempt? I know I will not.

And yet -

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

{1 Corinthians 2:9}

Certainly some of the things which God has prepared are to be received in hardship, but “Should we accept good only from God and not adversity?” (Job 2:10) And oh, how much higher His thoughts are than ours! How wise He is, to use everything for good in our lives as we live out our calling.

I am eager to see the things that God has prepared for me, and for all of us. He is accomplishing His redemptive purposes on the earth! He is accomplishing His redemptive purposes in our hearts.

<3 jordan

P.S. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY WISHES, TEXTS, PHONE CALLS, ETC! I was phone-less and internet-less for several days last week and I’m so sorry if I missed you.

P.S.S. Have you read “A Psalm of Life” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow? I hope you will! Find it here.

“We fit together.” {or my favorite dimpled elbows}

“Hudson is my best friend.” (throws her arm around his shoulders) “See? We fit together.”

:: :: ::

Also? I am kind of *hoping* to get back to writing and posting more often.

We’ll see how that goes.

Wild pregnancy hormones + moving + traveling husband + lengthy to-do list + blogging aspirations? = possible wishful thinking.

In other news, I turn 24 this week. Weird?

Happy Monday, friends!

<3 jordan