God has blessed me in a lot of ways since moving to Morgantown, even though when people ask “How do you like it?” or “How are you doing?” I usually sigh and scramble for words to somehow express that it’s been really hard, without sounding all whine-y and self-centered (which I actually am, but – by God’s grace – am seeking to change!), because how can one complain when serving such a faithful God? But it truly is difficult at a gut-wrenching level and I don’t have thick enough skin to pretend otherwise…;-)
But this afternoon I feel full to “popping”. My soul, my inner person, is happy and nourished, feeling nurtured and seen. This morning I was out for a walk and stopped by my cutting garden to pick bright calendula, zinnias, and sunflowers. Each of their bright petals happily beam, conveying health, vitality – evidence of rain, sunshine, roots sinking deep into healthy soil.
And roots, thats what I haven’t had lately. We ripped up out of Kansas City, following the call of our Father. We were ripped out of our life there, ripped away from a community I love. Away from the friends, family, church, city we belong(ed) to.
I miss my life there. I miss being seen and known and loved, feeling a sense of pride and “belonging” – (even though I was unaware of the feeling! Now I know it in it’s absence.). And we haven’t been around here long enough to feel any sort of rooted. Not that we can’t or won’t, just that in general I have felt like the dried out, stunted and struggling garden transplant – my “home” roots have been torn away, and my “here” roots haven’t really been established yet. It’s a dry and vulnerable existence. 😉 I’ve wondered if my health and vitality and fruitfulness will ever recover (a whole 5 months in, right?!…overdramatic/emotional much?! lol).
But today, there was rain. 🙂 And I am thankful.
Thankful for friends who see, and care to know, opening their hearts to someone new, sharing coffee and time and their story.
For women with more experience and wisdom than me, who are willing to share and point out the way.
For old friends and family, staying in touch.
For a happier spirit, refreshed by kindness and love.
For the joy of having fellowship in Christ.
For El Roi, the God who sees me.
For baby-tender roots starting to form here.
For a new understanding of what it means to be a pilgrim on the earth…and that it is okay to not truly feel “at home” and to long for heaven, where we will see God face to face, knowing Him fully and being known by Him, enjoying perfect community with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Thats what I really, deeply long for.
Because really we’re all transplants and pilgrims, souls alive and growing, but still waiting and longing for our true home, where we’ll burst into bloom before the LORD – our souls’ true desire.
“Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. ” Colossians 2:7