on the pros and cons…

There are pros and cons to almost everything I suppose.

I am constantly feeling the ‘cons’ and reminding myself of the ‘pros’ (sometimes I feel them too…) of being in school and finishing my degree.

Mostly I hate it. I feel like – can I just be an adult now? I’m so over being a college student. And it’s exhausting trying to maintain my home and care for my family just like before, but now with the added duty of class work. It seems like I’m constantly working ‘overtime’ and have to really consciously allow myself to relax and take breaks or enter in to playtime with my kids. Every moment must be accounted for if I want to finish my days’ tasks. And I’m always behind in school (because it is always my last priority!), which is incredibly stressful and unsatisfying to my type-A student side.

I look forward to the day when I can just get back to being wife and mama. When I can have a little wider margin for creativity, for outdoor excursions, for life without clock-watching.

And yet, while I am here, there is a lot to be thankful for. I do (mostly) love my classes. The books, the inspiration, the deeper understanding of the Word, even the rigor of study is so richly rewarding, when I can find the time to immerse myself. I am thankful for a great babysitter and that my kids and I are only separated for about 6-9 hours a week. And that is healthy. I hope I can make personal time for reading, writing, etc. even when I’ve finished school.

My husband is proud of me. I think I’ll be happy when I’m done. It seems like the Lord has opened doors and allowed this for me. I think I would be disappointed if I didn’t finish my degree. And I’m so close. May 2013 is just around the corner.

But right now it’s September 2012 and I am one weary woman, just hoping it will all be worth it in the end – and hoping the Lord will help me to keep my priorities straight along the way. It has been so, so taxing.

jc

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