Not Alone

Sometimes being a wife is an overwhelming thing. I want to be a great wife, in the model of Titus 2 and Proverbs 31. I want to feel ‘in love’ and feel like he is ‘in love’. I want to have dynamic interactions and exciting date nights. I want him to love my cooking and be comfortable and happy in our immaculate, beautiful home. I want to have deep conversations and I want to understand the unspoken. I want to always say the most encouraging thing. I want to help him and keep him motivated in all his endeavors. I want him to be proud of my own accomplishments and my work at home, school, and with our children.

…and then I try really hard but his shirt isn’t ironed on the day that he needs it, or I fall so short in some other way. One thing turns into another and suddenly I feel like staying in bed and never getting out. I know it’s not my responsibility to ‘be god’ in his life, but I catch myself shouldering that responsibility as if it is mine to bear.

But recently the Lord brought this scripture to mind: “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” {Genesis 2:18}

Evidently God created Eve for Adam, not because Adam was incapable of feeding himself or doing his own laundry (in fact, laundry was not really an issue then! ha!) or even primarily for procreation purposes. He created Eve because it was “not good” for Adam to be alone. God had compassion on him and created a helper suitable for him – physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually, etc.

I think one of the most wonderful aspects of marriage is that we are not alone.  It may be one of those that we appreciate most when we lose it. My dear Grandma has been a widow for a few years now, and I think what she misses most about Papa is just his being there (we all miss it, though she most of all – spend decades of every day life together and an absence must be agonizing). God himself is one, though made of three persons, and has ‘togetherness’ within His own being. He has created us, in his likeness, to be in community with others, and particularly for those of us who are married, to be with our spouse.

This has caused me to appreciate my role as a wife in a whole new way. I am cutting myself slack in certain areas and stepping it up in others! For instance, I don’t feel like such a failure as a wife when I am behind on the dishes or grocery shopping when I am more focused on being there for my husband than accomplishing tasks or doing lots of things for him (although these are certainly, at the appropriate time, part of helping him and managing our household) – the Mary vs. Martha attitude, yes?  I am *trying* to be less controlled by my own roller-coaster of emotions where I feel super happy and close and then super anxious when I feel not as close, and instead, be content and happy to be together, accepting the natural ebb and flow of life. I am *trying* to worry less about having the most attractive physique, or being the super-interesting-every-moment-of-every-day blabbing mouth…and just be there for him, with him.

On the other side, it is sometimes easier to assume I am being a ‘good wife’ when I have edited his papers and polished his resume, cleaned his kitchen and fed his babies but haven’t really been with him. Sometimes being together is easy and natural and quiet. But oftentimes it’s hard work. It’s tumultuous. It’s working through his problems and mine (and ours), when it would be easier for me to choose a cup of tea and a book instead. And for me, sometimes it’s spending a weekend doing my hunter’s safety course rather than relaxing with friends. 🙂

Of course this does not mean that we should not each enjoy our own unique hobbies and alone time. But it means that in the good and bad times of life, my husband is not alone.

It is not good for him to be alone when work is stressful.

It is not good for him to be alone when something weighs heavy on his heart and it’s time to pray.

It is not good for him to be alone when he is sick and weary.

It is not good for him to be alone when there is a promotion to celebrate!

It is not good for him to be alone when the first produce comes in from the garden!

It is not good for him to be alone when God answers prayers and we answer with thankfulness!

I know in my own marriage that some of the times when I have been most thankful for my husband have been -surprisingly – not necessarily when he is the most ‘romantic’ or generous or helpful…but when I was sick and pregnant and he could not do much to help, but he was thereWhat a comfort!

I want to, by God’s grace, be present with and for my husband. I believe a large part of my role as a godly wife is to have a ministry of caring presence. I hope to be his closest friend, “doing him good and not evil all the days of his life.” {Proverbs 31:12}

Pray for me in this? If you’d like, I’ll pray for you too.

❤ jc


6 thoughts on “Not Alone

  1. Jordy, I was reading some of your more recent blog posts and stumbled on this older one. Even though I’ve read it before, I found myself re-reading the whole thing! I think it’s my favorite post on your blog! I’m so thankful for a friend who “get’s it’, who knows my heart. Love you!

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