A Mother’s Heart

[Reposting this from last year…because I need the reminding! Hope you will enjoy…]

Kaya is almost 20 months old now, and in those 20 months I have made a lot of changes to become a full-time wife and mother who spends most of my time at home, taking care of my family. In that short time, I’ve heard a lot of things like:

“What do you do all day?”

“I just don’t think I could stay home all the time.”

“We couldn’t really afford it.”

“Well, you’ve got to fill up your time somehow!”

“I just think there are so many other things you could do for Jesus.”

Out of context, maybe these seem a bit cruel. Sometimes they feel a little bit personally offensive on my own mental replay, but honestly? I don’t think the people who said these words intended their comments to be rude at all. I just think they don’t understand.

Do they understand that it’s not a curse or punishment to be at home?

Do they believe that God has called mothers to this and gives joy even in the hardships?

Have they realized how every day moments are really little miracles? – an infant’s mouth speaking Jesus’ name for the first time, delighting in God’s creation and discovering new things like music and squirrels?

Have they considered how a child’s soul is eternal? How sacred a responsibility it is to raise a child? How much time it takes to build a meaningful relationship?

Do they know what a joy it is to help a child to work and enjoy the fruit of their labor while helping mama stir the cookie dough or unload the warm, clean smelling clothes from the dryer?

Do they understand that it’s really not boring at all? That there isn’t time at all for lounging in front of the TV with soap operas for companions?

Do they see that I’m not wasting my life, but rather God is turning me into the woman he created me to be? I am being more and more conformed to the image of Christ through every load of laundry, every opportunity to teach my daughter right from wrong, every time I choose love.

Do they know that to me, missing this magical moment – her life all before her, blank like a page, with all sorts of potential for beauty – would be devastating far more than any loss of salary, worldly fulfillment or other more “important” sounding ministry?

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise…” 

To teach your children in this way requires much time spent with them, no?

Does this sound like an angry rant? I hope not. My heart feels very heavy and sometimes I need a reminder that although many people don’t understand, I am wholly committed to following the Lord’s leading in this way.

I also hope that it does not seem prideful, or like I think I am a better mother than anyone else – that is not my belief at all. I am quite aware of my inadequacies for this task and only by God’s grace and strength will I have anything to show for my efforts at home. I am just trying to live life as the Bible teaches and as God gives me wisdom. And I trust that though sometimes the days do feel lonely, mundane and glamor-less, the eternal result is worth it a thousand times over.

Kaya is worth it a thousand times over.

“…and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

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