My Ideal…vs. My Current Reality

In an ideal world…

I’m up with the birds, spending time with the Lord and getting ready for the day before anyone else is up. A hot breakfast is on the table as the babies are waking and daddy heads off to work. The kitchen quickly cleaned up and all the dishes put away, we’re ready for cozy time on the couch reading and learning and cuddling. Then two kids cleaned up and dressed, looking perfectly adorable in all hand-made and thrifted clothes. Crafts and letters and errands in the morning, a healthy lunch together at noon. Several hours of naps leaves mommy with time for exercising, reading, and cleaning the house. When daddy comes home the babies are rosy-cheeked from playing outside and my make-up is fresh and my hair is curled just so. The house is clean and the roast comes out of the oven. A lovely table all set with fresh flowers and candles is just an accent to the grand center-piece: a delicious dessert made with help from the toddler. Baths and Bible stories and then time for just us two, a few hours together before the day is through. The baby is up in the night and cries for a moment, but I know what to do and he is hushed before anyone is disturbed…

My reality…

Oh my word…is it morning already? Did I sleep at all last night? You’re leaving for work right now? I’m out of the shower and hear two screaming – I panic – one wants held, the other is hungry. I haven’t hands enough. Another panic moment as I open the closet doors – does anything fit? I’m tired of maternity jeans but won’t risk the despair that comes with trying on pre-baby clothes too soon. Sweat pants and wet hair, my eyes are red but stomachs are growling. After breakfast, I cuddle the little ones on the couch and call my husband, saying for the third time this week “I can’t do this. I can’t do this.” The laundry’s half-done, and so are the dishes. The grocery list is long and the money is short. Baby boy is not happy on the floor, in his chair or in the bassinet. Only mommy’s arms will do today. One-handed it is! Picking up, brewing some coffee, laughing and sighing at the newest messes made by the toddler. Seven diapers are changed by eleven o’clock. Lunch time and the afternoon come and go, while things settle down. I find time to read my Bible. The to-do list is trimmed by realism, and a bit is accomplished. My husband is due home any minute. I change my shirt, pull back my hair, hoping I don’t smell like sweat and milk and spit-up like I think I might. Have I paid the bills? Did I return those calls? Did I find a babysitter for Tuesday? The doctor’s office called and we missed our appointment. My neck is aching and my body is aching and I know I overdid it today…and I still have little to show. At least there have been minimal tears shed. At least they’re safe and we’re together. I think there’s a pizza in the freezer. Is it bed time yet? The baby is up again, his tummy is aching I think? I’m tired and confused and don’t know how to help him. The whole night is a blur.

Such is life in “survival mode.” I hope that I can “get it together” here in a few weeks. Having two is a lot harder than one (duh, right?!)! I am thankful that God and my husband are so full of grace. πŸ™‚ I certainly need the Lord’s help getting through this time and improving at handling everything, and doing it with joy. And I want to do more than “get through it” – I want to savor the good. Hudson & Kaya will only be so little once! But ahhh…I could use your prayers. Β Motherhood and just…life! is really hard. I feel tired and discouraged and empty very often. I also feel elated and privileged and joyful…but oh, so so very tired. πŸ™‚

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12 thoughts on “My Ideal…vs. My Current Reality

  1. Oh Sweet girl…”My grace is sufficient for you.” How often I have quoted that back to our Lord in prayer! “But you SAID, your grace is sufficient!!!” And it is, but often, you won’t realize it until after the waves stop swelling and some time passes. Take it a few minutes at a time….no more, no less. On occasion, the Lord will give you a block of time that you can take a little nap in the afternoon. Sleep when they sleep right now…don’t worry about that which isn’t getting cleaned for awhile. Your mama is a good one for doing the “once a month” cooking plan (she used to do that all the time!) and it might be helpful for you to ask her help to do something like 2 weeks at a time. Then, you’ll have those “go to” meals and not have to feel guilty about it. I think organization is a word that gets put on the back burner (but desired) for a few months after a new baby comes. Try to take advantage of those few extra minutes to just organize your thoughts…and get your dinner plan organized first thing of the day. Good for you that you MAKE time to read your Bible…for this is where your wisdom and comfort come from. Wisdom as to what is most important that you get done and comfort for those days when “what’s most important” doesn’t get done! Hormones are crashing….babies are cryin’, and the snow’s about ready to fly! What a good season to have a new little one….b/c you don’t have to feel guilty for not getting out and looking good daily whilst you walk your babies in the stroller! HA! Just throw on a hat, swish some mouthwash and smile!!! And SING!!! Singin’ is good for the soul! A great tip that Amy did for several months (if not still, at times!) is to go to the grocery store after dinner so she could keep from having to take Carter out and she could have uninterrupted time making sure she got what she needed while she was out. Lists are good…very good, but don’t make so many that you get frustrated b/c you can’t cross much off! Ha! These are just a few thoughts…from a seasoned Mama and Grammy! And oh…I’ll be praying for you. Which is what you asked for in the first place and will make the biggest impact! Love you sweetie!!! : )

    • I feel like I need to be taking notes here! πŸ™‚ and I just might. Thank you so much for your advice and prayers!!

  2. Aw Jordie, you’re a great mommy and I know its rough but love how you realize its also rewarding! Cheryl had good ideas & tips. I think they’re great and right on. Its too easy for new moms to not get time for their selves. ….
    I have grown to rely on Elizabeth Elliott’s advice to “just do the next thing” when you become overwhelmed. Love you so and your beautiful family. Do hope you are able to get some Christian radio through your day. I think it is another blessing when you’re too busy to get out and still need encouragement. Focus on the Family was such comfort to me years back. I still enjoy the family programs as I hear God’s plan. You’ve got my prayers as does your family and it blesses me to be able to offer them up for the ones I so love.

    • Thanks Gma. πŸ™‚ I do love those words from Elisabeth Elliott and we listened to Focus this morning! Thanks so much for your prayers.

  3. This post is so genuine… and I’ve SO BEEN THERE. In fact, I think many days I still am… truly. (Mine are 6, 4, 3). This too shall pass, but don’t forget to lap every hectic minute up while it’s here. In not too long you’ll be wondering what on earth happened and how you can’t remember when your eldest was a baby and what that was ‘like’. Big hugs… it will get better!!! xo PS. Those ideals you mentioned in the first paragraph? I say POO POO! *smirk* I’ve never woken up and given my hubs a meal in the AM… he’s luck to get a quick “ugh” at 6am! Grace, grace, grace poured everywhere!
    xo
    Cassandra
    http://www.unplugyourfamily.ca

  4. Oh Jordan, I am just a few weeks away from being right there with you! πŸ™‚ But praise the Lord for precious babies to love, cherish and teach to serve God—right!? I just tell myself that housework can wait….these little ones will be all grown up before we know it. Praying for you as you learn to survive in this new normal! You’re a beautiful Mommy. πŸ™‚
    Hugs,
    Tali

    • Too true! Lucy and Kaya are soooo big and Hudson and your little Annie are going to be toddlers in a blink as well! πŸ™‚ Thank you for your encouraging words…:)

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