There are days that I miss the butterflies and passion and newness of the beginnings of love. Some of that has to be fought for now – it doesn’t always flow so easily with bills to pay and diapers to change.
There is richness here, though. And I think it is better than in the beginning. Two years and two months into marriage and my heart has learned to trust more. Trust in love is a difficult balance – I must depend and trust, but have my ultimate faith in Christ, not Nels.
I have so much more to learn. I understand a lot “about” marriage in a textbook sort of way, but living it in a practical sense is another story. Of course I love my husband so so much, and yet I am beginning to understand that Titus 2 says that young women must be taught to love their husbands and children for a reason: it doesn’t always come naturally, and I don’t always know how to love well (especially when I feel hurt or tired, or generally self-focused, right?!).
I wish I wrote more about love and marriage. For some reason, its easier to express the love of a parent towards a child. The parent-child relationship is very deep and special, but the marital relationship is even more complex, personal, and sometimes difficult to navigate.
Lately I have spent so much time learning how to be a good mother, learning how to take care of Kaya, preparing for our son on the way, reading parenting books and celebrating growth milestones…it has all been so so wonderful, but I want to make sure in the midst of all this I don’t lose sight of my top priority after Christ: Nels.
More and more I am finding that I am a very emotionally “unbalanced” person…the littlest thing can change my mood, can change my day, can change how I feel about myself, or Nels, or our life and love together. I want to be more intentional about directing my emotions and “telling them who’s boss,” so to speak. I want to make the little acts of love and devotion a habit, regardless of how I feel at the moment.
So what’s my plan of action? This morning I listened to a Focus on the Family radio broadcast, “Showing Your Husband You Love Him.” I was encouraged and reminded of the importance of doing the little things to show love – encouraging words, post-it notes, spending time doing things together that he enjoys, even if I don’t so much. When we were dating and engaged we were frequent note-writers. Now that we live together, we can just talk about things all the time, but there is something wonderful about holding something in your hands that your love took the time to write for you – and you can read it over and over again. I want to be intentional in the next few weeks about loving Nels practically.
Also (this may sound so silly!), it’s time I began our wedding scrapbook! Haha! I keep little journals for the babies and have finished our smaller honeymoon scrapbook, but I think spending the time recording precious memories for us to enjoy later, putting my mind on our love and marriage, and showing Nels that it is important to me will be a real step in the right direction towards having a stronger marriage.
Another (possibly silly!) plan of mine is to spend more time just listening to “our songs” – cheesy and romantic as they may be – and the song he wrote for me for our wedding day. I think this will lead me to dwell on the pure, noble, lovely, etc.
I have a great husband. We have a pretty great marriage. I am striving, with God’s help, to be a great wife. Wish me luck on my endeavor to be more intentional in loving selflessly! Have any ideas to pass on?? 🙂 …I’m all ears!